"...for all who truly believe..."

Matthew and I watched The Polar Express this afternoon. Nolan slept peacefully through it.

As I watched, I was struck with how much we are comfortable with the idea of a works-based reward system. Santa works this way. If you're nice, presents abound. If you're naughty, you better watch out.

Two verses came to mind:

"If you know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

"How great is the love the Father has LAVISHED upon us, that we should be called his children. And that is what we are!" I John 3:1

God does not graciously give us gifts because we have been good this year. Instead, he lavishes us with his love because he himself is good. And he delights in pouring his goodness on his children.

I consider it a privilege and challenge to have the responsibility and opportunity to demonstrate the unconditional, grace-filled love of Christ to my children. Love that is not performance-based, but identity-based. You are my child, therefore I love you wholly and freely, no matter what you do.

Sitting in our recliner, with Matthew snuggled on my lap, I was instantly thankful that Christmas isn't really about Santa Claus. It is about a God who chose to give us the greatest gift, one that we cannot earn and do not deserve.

Go tell it on the mountain!

Nolan Oliver meets the world

We woke up early that morning, 5:00 a.m., to make sure we were there on time. It was a different sense of excitement and anticipation than when we drove to the hospital for Matthew's birth. We didn't feel urgency, but we still felt unsettled and very excited.

They didn't really start the induction until about 8:30 a.m. The first hour and a half was filled with greetings, preparations, paperwork, and some documentary picture taking on our part. I was pleasantly surprised that the pitocin worked right away. Apparently, though I couldn't feel them, I was already having contractions when we arrived at the hospital. So we were just speeding things up a bit.

At first the contractions were mild. My midwife had me standing to try to get the baby to move down into position. The time passed quickly and pleasantly, chatting with Erika, one of my nurses. I loved the humanity of the experience this time. It felt so good to feel like myself during labor, interacting as a person with a nice friendly nurse. With my first delivery, I felt like I was invisible to the hospital staff. Erika was a true answer to prayer -- a young, friendly mother of a four-year-old daughter. We talked about balancing life, how wonderful time with your children truly is, outside influences on them, etc... Good conversation until the contractions became too intense for chit-chat.

In an instant I went from chatty to crying and declaring that an epidural would be great. Deb, the midwife, quickly came back from her lunch and suggested that I try just a little pain medication while she helped me through a few contractions. Since I didn't really want the epidural (in a hypothetical, idealistic world), I agreed to try it. I was thoroughly amazed with the calm Deb added to the moment. She knew just what to do to relax and calm me. And then, following her lead, Bob was able to do the same for me. I love going through childbirth with Bob by my side. It's a wonderful bonding experience like no other.

Before I knew it, Deb declared that the baby was ready to meet this world and that it was going to be time to push. And indeed it was. The pushing was completely different than Matthew's birth. I didn't have to be told to push; my body just did. There was no escaping it, even if I wanted to. Here I wondered if I was crazy for doing it without the epidural. But Deb kept saying that I was almost there. Even though it was a scary, out-of-control feeling, it was also one of the most amazing half hours of my life. This time I felt like I was truly working for this child, proactively involved in bringing a precious life into the world.

About a half hour later, at 3:02 p.m., December 5th 2008, Nolan Oliver made his appearance into our life. Another little boy! We instantly became a family of four, with two little boys.

They put Nolan on me immediately. And miraculously, I was allowed to hold him like that for hours before they cleaned him. Such precious, peaceful moments. I cherished every second of the time. As did his tearful, happy father.

I felt almost euphoric after the delivery. It felt so triumphant. I had prayed for a positive birth experience, and God far exceeded my expectations.

It's been twelve days since his birth and it already feels so normal to have Nolan in our home and in our lives. We love him. Matthew loves him. The Johannes household received our Christmas a few weeks early this year.

Tomorrow is the Big Day

Since my blood pressure was up today, the midwife suggested inducing labor tomorrow morning at 7:oo a.m. Though I had hoped to avoid induction, I found myself saying, "Sure!" How could I turn down an opportunity to meet our baby?

It's an odd feeling, knowing that we will meet this baby tomorrow. Very surreal. It's difficult to imagine that the next time we walk through the door, we will be carrying another child. A little helpless needy infant.

We felt prepared. Now we don't. Everything seems rushed and it's hard to feel mentally and emotionally ready. But, in the end, it won't matter I'm sure. The baby will be here and we will love him or her insanely.

It's just so weird to knowingly walk into so many unknowns.

But after tomorrow (hopefully) this baby will have a face and a name and we will be a family of four.

Waiting for Baby

It's strange. As the days go by, the arrival of this baby becomes more and more imminent. Yet, the more time passes, the less so it seems.

But regardless of my perception, the fact remains: we will meet our little baby some day very soon.

In the meantime, we are trying to be patient and enjoy the normal moments of life. Saturday, much to Matthew's delight, we got our tree up. Matthew and I have been doing tons of art projects and the three of us have done tons of walking. If I have time today, I'll post pictures of some of the fun we've been up to in recent weeks.

I have another appointment today, so maybe there will be news to report...